Patient Trust

As this internship with Word Made Flesh comes to an end I am still left with unknowns and lack clarity on where my future will lead me. In 2 weeks I will be boarding a plane to take me back to Muncie, IN where I will pick up life and begin another process of transitions, reentering, and continue this process of discernment.
In one of our spiritual formation times as a community we read aloud "Patient Trust" by Pierre Theilhard De Chardin. I have been reflecting on this reading for the past month or so and sitting with these words. I cannot explain this sense of peace that I have as I face these unknowns, but I know where it comes from. As I sit at my Savior's feet I sit with patient trust, allowing Him to do His continued work in my life.

Patient Trust

          By Pierre Teilhard De Chardin


Above all, trust in the slow work of God
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
      to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
      unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of progress
      that it is made by passing through
      some states of instability ---
      and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
      Your ideas mature gradually --- let them grow,
      let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don't try to force them on,
      as though you could be today what time
      (that is to say, grace and circumstances
      acting on your own good will)
      will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
      gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
      that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
      in suspense and incomplete.

Nin@s

One of our weekly routines here is doing laundry by hand. My routine has been to sit outside of our shower in the bathroom attached to our room and wash my clothes in a small plastic tub. Last Friday I was in desperate need to wash my clothes, so after our morning formation time I planned to do laundry in the time before we went to Retiro. My roommate was not feeling well and wanted to rest. Since our bathroom is connected to our room and doing laundry can be noisy with turning the shower on and off I decided to go upstairs on the church’s terrace to wash my clothes. I can’t say I was particularly thrilled to carry my clothes up the two flights of stairs only to carry them back down to hang out and dry in the garden below our room.

I was met upstairs by our friends Kevin and Laura and their two young children. Kevin will stay at the church most weeks working around the church and occasionally the whole family will travel the few hours from their home to stay together. They are some of the oldest friends of Word Made Flesh Argentina and have since been involved with the church. I got to know them well when I was here in 2010, when their daughter was just a baby. 

David, age 5, is talkative and is always ready to greet you with the traditional greeting- a kiss on the cheek, with him it is usually followed by a hug. He met me with many questions about what I was doing and instantly offered his help.

He helped me fill up the tub with water from the hose and would turn off the water when the tub was full. I showed him how we scrub the clothes together with the soap and he was intent on doing it himself, asking for his own ‘jabon’- soap, so I tore my bar of soap in half knowing full well that his half would probably be destroyed by the end of the process. He sloshed water around soaking his feet, occasionally losing the soap amongst the clothes. He would help me pour the soapy, dirty water down the drain so we could fill the tub up for the rinsing. All the while he is asking questions about the process, fetching his soap at the wrong time, trying to turn on the water when the tub is already filled to the brim, and I have to instruct him in the task at hand. But he sings little tunes and I tell him I like his song for washing clothes. His mother occasionally peeks out the window of the kitchen to redirect him, to leave me be, sensing that perhaps he is annoying me, but I reassure her that he is fine.

His little sister, Flor, is shy and often runs away to her mother whenever I so much as look at her, but she stands by watching us. I sense that in her mind she wants to help but is unsure how to make the step forward.  When we are done washing and rinsing the clothes we ring them out and hang them over the edge of a bucket to drain. She continues to stand there watching and I seek to engage her by handing her clothes to place on the bucket rim. She does so and eventually takes the clothing on her own without them being handed to her.

We finish the process and I realize that it has taken me less time to wash my clothes than it usually would in my typical shower routine. Half of my bar of soap is mangled and a little boy’s socks are wet bringing on reprimand from his father, but a fumbling Spanish-speaking girl has experienced joy in the presence of two young ones.

This theme seemed to carry throughout our day. We went to Retiro in the afternoon to spend time with our friends working there. Since school started in March the population has consisted of the young mothers and their small children and babies. On Friday however our little school age friends were there. Since they have started school we do not see them much so it was a pleasant surprise to find them there, waiting for us so they could color and play cards. It has been routine for one girl and I to color a picture together, she will urge me, rather, demand that I help her and will instruct me as to which color to use and what to color next.

The children can bring a sense of chaos to the station scene but on Friday I was simply happy at being able to see them again and appreciated their presence.

For our last stop typical in our routine we went to visit Mary, another long time friend of WMF Argentina who works outside of a local high end grocery store in the Retiro neighborhood. She is usually there with her youngest Daniel, who like her is shy and reserved. She has two older girls who are both in school and hence have not been with her most of the times we come to visit. Having been able to spend time with them the last time I was in Buenos Aires, I miss seeing their faces and being able to play with them. But with circumstantial changes we have not been able to see the girls as much. However on Friday the younger girl Jennifer was there. As we walked up the hill to the grocery store I saw her standing in the sidewalk and I started waving to her. She ran to her mother as if to inform her of our coming.  She, too, is typically shy and needs time to warm up to us. But as we have been consistent in our coming I have noticed that they, especially Daniel, have been more willing to move away from the comfort of their mother and interact with us with more ease.

Friday, they engaged immediately with us. Daniel had crazy amounts of energy and he ran around laughing and screaming so much that I had to keep urging him (while laughing myself) not to yell. We played a little game where we would take turns mimicking each others' action and I got so much joy watching little Daniel follow his big sister’s lead and Jennifer urging her little brother when it was his turn. We laughed and ran around together until it was time for us to leave. As we walked away up the hill heading to the subte station Jennifer stood on the sidewalk gleefully yelling and waving at us. Occasionally I would turn around and return and exuberant wave or duck over and wave upside down through my legs. I heard her yells all the way as we walked before we turned the corner.

I cannot express the joy I received from those little minutes we walked away, but I still carry that feeling, that precious, stored memory in my heart.

I am reminded of Jesus’ freedom with children, His urging “Let the little children come to Me.”. I have been reflecting on the impact that children have in our society. I praise God for their innocence and energy; their ability to express themselves without inhibition, to show love freely. It breaks me to realize that many of the children we interact with have been or will be stripped of their innocence, forced to embrace adulthood as a means of survival in the brutal streets they frequent. What a prophetic statement it is to raise up the next generation, to provide them with an imagination of a new vision of life. And that is why what we do, showing them their value by embracing them and allowing them to express their innocence by inviting them to little activities of coloring or games, is so essential to building up God’s Kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven- where children are held in high esteem as our examples of joy, innocence, and love.

Easter and Submission

Taken from and article I wrote on the Word Made Flesh Lifestyle Celebration of Submission. "We celebrate Submission to Jesus, each other, and the poor."

Easter is approaching again. The anticipation feels slightly more intensified for me this year. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I am in Buenos Aires and have the opportunity to experience it in a different culture this year.

In my first visit to Buenos Aires a year and a half ago as a servant team member I took the opportunity to focus special attention on WMF’s Lifestyle Celebrations by interviewing various persons on these topics. I have had the opportunity to revisit the LCs and those interviews again in my return to Buenos Aires as an intern. As I have been mentally preparing myself for the events of Holy Week I have also been focusing my attention on the idea of submission.

I interviewed the Regional Coordinator for WMF South America Walter Forcatto to discuss his view of submission. Walter has been living in Buenos Aires with his family for 8 years now taking part in ministry that seeks out relationships with vulnerable youth and young adults who are in situations of homelessness and find work they can in and around the train station hub “Retiro”.

As one of the kick-starters of this ministry Walter talked about the stance of submission as a learner in the beginnings of building these relationships. “When we go into a new situation we have to take on the posture of learner and get over this idea that we are the owners of truth,” he states, “We have to be conscious of being in a place that has different norms and values and need to come to an understanding of why our friends do things a certain way without first judging them.” In an article Walter composed on the idea of submission titled “The Dialectic of Submission” he also states, “Submission lived out in our relationships should be tempered and instructed by the freedom and inherent worth of the other.”

As the other comes to understand the posture you have as a learner, as one who is seeking to understand him/ her, a foundation for mutuality can be fostered. Walter adds to this idea saying, “When a relationship becomes mutual there are opportunities for counsel or advice or admonishment; there is a foundation for that to be received and for potential change to occur.” Then and only then can we begin to minister to each other as friends.

In my experience in going to the train station to pass time with friends of WMF Argentina I had to learn to tread these unknown waters by submitting as a learner and by putting aside the temptation to think that I was coming as the only one with something to give. I sat on the train station floor with our friends forcing myself to take a swig from the mate gourd passed to me until eventually I learned to enjoy not only the taste but also the act of sharing mate. There were customs and actions of “street culture” that I had to grow accustomed to. In this time with our friends as I myself was learning submission in this context, I saw plenty of examples of submission, and some examples were rooted in a distorted view of submission. This distortion comes from the evil influence of power plays and domination.

Certainly there is a balance that must be learned in this practice of submission. In talking about the relationships with our friends at Retiro, where we come to their turf and learn to respect their culture, Walter clarifies the role of submission by stating “It doesn’t mean that anything goes.” There is a difference in lifestyles of our friends who are often in survival mode “It’s hard to pinpoint submission and talk about submission in a difficult context when the circumstance is a life that is lived in survival mode, when you have to look out for yourself or else your life will be very difficult,” says Walter, “If everybody is trying to live their life and survive the idea of submission can be distorted. There are examples of others being submitted in unhealthy relationships. But we also see examples of intentional submission.”

There is the point of difference in Christian submission- intentionality.

I asked Walter the same question I asked most other interviewees- Why does WMF celebrate this Lifestyle Celebration?... in this case submission. I believe his answer cuts to the point for all of us Christians needing to take the stance of intentional submission, “It is a theological starting point as we see the Triune God in constant submission to each other. We see that Jesus submitted to the will of God. We see that in scripture we are called to submit to one another in love. WMF tries to minister out of community, out of a sense of shared and intentional community. It is hard to have a healthy community if there’s no mutual submission.”

As Christians we must live according to the subversive stance of the Kingdom of God. In a society where submission can often be related to domination and exercising power, the Kingdom of God’s perspective is certainly subversive. Jayakumar Christian in an article written for WMF writes, “Intentional submission is also a radical criticism of the world’s power. It subverts the exploitative and abusive tendencies of the world’s power, transforming the world’s flawed perceptions of power. (“Submission, Subversion, and Social Transformation”)

We see examples of intentional submission all throughout scripture and specifically in the life of Jesus. “Jesus’ perception of power seemed more like submission in the eyes of the world,” states Jayakumar. Jesus stripped the authorities of His day of their power when He, with His God-granted authority, broke their rules- healing the sick and disabled on the Sabbath, entering the homes of the sinners and socially despised, pardoning the prostitute and receiving her scandalous offering, and all the while challenging the faith of the religious authorities. And then the time came when He willingly surrendered His power.

The passion of Christ reveals the greatest example of intentional submission.

The Savior of the world who had access to all the power of the legions of angels to rescue Him from His circumstance on the cross chose powerlessness in submission to the pain of the nails that pierced His skin and the sins that weighed on His sacrifice. And yet three days later we see the fruition of this submission in the most powerful and crucial event in human history, Jesus’ resurrection from the dead.

Life thus far in pictures

Baby Therapy

Numerous times a week we visit the transportation hub Retiro. This is where WMF Argentina has been building relationships with individuals who are in situations of homelessness and unsustainable living. Many of our friends come to the station everyday to sell newspapers or ask for loose change from those who visit the ticket booths.

We spend our time sitting with friends on the train station floor sharing a gourd of the typical and popular drink mate, coloring with the kids, and sharing in conversation. I tend to fail miserably at the conversation aspect. I end up usually asking them to repeat a question three times before they just give up on me as a hopeless case. Because of my inability to interact through conversation I find myself struggling with navigating my time as we sit with these friends. It really is a learned practice of being open to the moment. It is challenging not to feel as if my presence is useless and instead find peace in being present, simply present, as we share in their day to day routine.

Most times, when possible, I choose to interact with the younger children where speaking seems less obligatory. Sometimes it is in coloring a picture or playing a simple little game of flicking a piece of rock back and forth. I have many memories from my previous experience running around with the kids shamelessly all over the train station. Those are sweet memories.

Monday I experienced a pure dose of baby therapy. One of our friends has a 6 month old little girl that was with her that day. At 6 months old she is tiny and fragile, like a baby doll, though her cheeks are full and quite kissable. Her hair is black and soft and curls at the ends. But it is her eyes that capture you immediately- dull blue, almost grey. I was eyeing her as she sat quite content in her mother’s lap before I summoned the words to ask if I could hold her. Her mother willingly passed her over. She came to me easily and I felt how truly fragile her little body is. I could tell that this little one was sleepy and figured I would attempt to lull her to sleep. She fought me for some time, not by crying or wriggling around, but she’d be still enough to deceive me into thinking she was asleep only to find that those blue-grey eyes were still open and gazing over my shoulder. I stood with her in my arms singing little tunes and the song “La nina de Tus Ojos” in her ear. "Y me diste nombre. Yo soy tu nina, la nina de tus ojos, porque me amaste a mi." And her head began to sag and lay on my shoulder. I spoke to her in English of peace and rest, praying that she would dream of a place where she is warm and safe. She stirred as I spoke and thinking that perhaps it was because of hearing unknown words I began to speak to her in Spanish as she nodded back to sleep.

As she slept peacefully in my arms the station continued to buzz with commotion, people continued to pass by without a glance our way but I was at peace. Nothing else seemed to matter but this little girl. Nothing else seemed to matter but speaking to her about hope- esperanza; that she would know that Jesus died for her so that she can have hope for a better life, a life that runs deep with love from the one who calls her His own.

As I handed her back to her mother she awoke without a fuss and sat content again just as before. It was as if for that moment while she slept in my arms life was on pause, as if that moment was just for us, for she and I to share. It was a moment of intimacy with baby girl but more deeply with my Jesus who says “Your presence is enough, Grace. For there I am. Even in your words, there I am. I AM”

God referred to Himself as I AM in scripture. He introduced Himself as I AM to Moses who claimed to be “slow of speech and tongue.”

I may not be able to communicate well but I can be. To be present is enough. Whether it’s in the act of sharing mate or holding baby girl, I’ll take it.

I have one word for you

surreal.
It still takes time to sink in that I am indeed back in Buenos Aires.
We (Carrie- the other intern- and I) arrived Monday to heat and humidity that was like a slap in the face! Luckily the storm on Tuesday night sucked some of the humidity away and the past few days have been bearable.
I am staying in the same neighborhood and in fact the same church as I did a year and a half ago. The church has set aside a small space in the back of the church for Carrie and I to stay- similar to a small dorm room. We experienced a few mishaps our first days here; actually to be more precise within our first few hours here. A busted pipe in the bathroom within our room caused some excitement as we scrambled around to stop the spray of water and figure out how to turn off the water. Due to this leak we went without water in our room for a day; nothing we could not bear. In the midst of the small hiccups the church has been so gracious and accomodating as they have scrambled around trying to make us feel at home. Fortunately, we can find humor in these situations and feel nothing but gratitude.
There is so much here that feels natural. Navigating the familiar streets in Barracas, La Boca, and to and from the train station has come easy. I am so thankful that, for the most part, Spanish is making it's way back into the forefront of my mind. I am surprised at how much I am understanding. It is that darn attempt at communicating where the words get jumbled, flipping vowels and tenses, as they move from my brain to my mouth. But everyone has been patient. And Carrie, with her immense capability with the language, has been a huge help.
While much of my return has felt natural there are aspects that have made this new transition difficult. I prepped myself as much as I could for the differences from my last experience, but certainly that has not lessened the blow that change brings. I was accustomed to navigating these streets and daily experiences with my fellow servant team members and their absence is hard to get used to.
The Deans, our servant team leaders who walked so closely with us in daily life and experiences, have since returned to life in the U.S. I miss them terribly. I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to spend a few days with them prior to my departure to Argentina. Those days were such a gift but I do miss their presence here.
What has brought me more joy than seeing familiar places these past few days is reconnecting with friends. Dave, Walter, and Adriana are among the WMF staff still present in the city. Having experienced the past journey alongside them before has brought a strong sense of stability for this new journey. I have been able to reconnect with a few of the church members but am looking forward to the church pic-nic tomorrow and Sunday service where more opportunities for reconnecting will be available.
What has brought me more joy than seeing familiar places these past few days is reconnecting with friends. Dave, Walter, and Adriana are among the WMF staff still present in the city. Having experienced the past journey alongside them before has brought a strong sense of stability for this new journey. I have been able to reconnect with a few of the church members but am looking forward to the church picnic tomorrow and Sunday service where more opportunities for reconnecting will be available.And of course there are friends from Retiro, the transportation hub where many of our friends who are experiencing homelessness make their living. We were able to visit yesterday and spend a couple hours sitting on the floor coloring with the kids, talking, and of course sharing the popular and common drink mate. There were many new faces and still some who I had hoped to see that were absent- it is common in the culture of those who make a living on the street to experience such flux.
One of the greatest moments of reconnection was with my dear friend Mary. We were able to see her on Tuesday as we went on a tour of the city and stopped by the supermarket where she works outside. It was a strange moment of joy and pain as we passed some time standing there with her. Seeing her brought a smile that stretched wide and seemed determined to expand beyond the confines of my face; more joy than I can express. As she updated us on her recent struggles her tearful eyes broke my heart and my smile faded to tears. I anticipate that this journey will be full of moments where joy and pain collide.
Today as Carrie and I were walking from La Boca to our home at the church I saw a friend of the Deans that I had not yet been able to connect. He was riding his bike down the street and I immediately jumped from the sidewalk and called out his name. We did not spend a lot of time with his family before so he was confused at first but after explaining that I am friends with the Deans he recognized me immediately. We stood with him for a while talking and gathering information to connect later. The Deans shared much about their hospitality and his graciousness was evident as he talked with us and communicated openness to come to them with whatever needs we may have. It really was a gift to happen upon him.

I am looking forward to visiting more familiar hot spots and more than that reuniting with friends.

In the midst of the mixture of emotions I feel God’s constant peace reigning over me.

Una Cafe Concerta- Stepping out in Obedience

I would never claim to be very good at this support raising thing. I pretty much have stuck to primarily sending out support letters. And even the task of addressing envelopes, folding papers and donation slips, and licking those envelopes is a tasking and a seemingly endless process.
I'm also a horrible planner. If you looked up "procrastinator" in the dictionary, you'd find a picture of my face but there would be no excerpt written in the definition because I haven't gotten around to it yet.
I had a few ideas to help the support raising process along, but they ended up fading out of view or were half-way planned and then I ran out of time.
However I couldn't seem to shake the idea of doing SOME support raising event.
I was praying about it on a drive from Cincinnati to Muncie, asking God for direction when He brought to mind an idea I had played with before but never pursued. Holding a cafe concert. I cringed a little bit and went into an adolescent rant with God. "I don't really want to, though. It was just a thought, God. Ok, I kinda want to but am feeling insecure about it, cause I don't like to perform in front of others... by myself. And since when have I been a stellar musician?... My voice isn't that good and really I'm not the best guitarist. I'm not Bethany Dillon, You know." Back and forth until I realized it was pointless on my end because God was already calling me to step out in faith and put aside my foolish pride and delirious thoughts about the talents HE has given me. So I spent the rest of the drive tentatively planning the event in my head. Later that night I shared the idea with my sister and bro-in-law and though my sister gave me a cautious look of "You're going to plan something?" they were supportive and excited. I knew if I didn't tell others about the idea I would be tempted to let it fall through the cracks. That's the thing about obedience, accountability is key. So I was quick to share the idea with my best friend who was out of her mind with excitement. The excitement and support I received from those I told in the beginning was a driving force in the planning process.
As I began the planning process everything seemed to just fall in place, no doubt through God's provision. I found the venue I wanted at Vecinos Coffee house and happened to be friends with the event coordinator there. My sister and mother slaved over the baking of DELICIOUS treats and goodies to provide for the event.The hand percussionist from my church agreed to play for the event and thus added so much to the musical flow. My precious niece and nephews agreed to appear as special guests through song, as an artist, and a drummer. Though my set-list of songs didn't fully come together until the week before the event, I felt God's guidance in the song choosing process and was led to songs in which I felt passionate.
As I considered how to go about handling donations I was again was led to take a step of faith and obedience. I felt that God's desire was for me to make it a free event where others could make a donation if they were so led. He crafted the focus to be a community gathering where I could share my passion for music and Argentina. And that is exactly how it played out.
I could not have asked for a smoother event. I was so blessed by the support I received from all who turned up, those who gave of their time or finances, and those who showed excitement and interest though they were unable to come. And I am amazed at my faithful God who spoke through my songs, my words in sharing about my friends in Argentina, and even the occasional tears that came out of the wellspring of joy and sorrow. He is faithful when we are obedient.

Click on the following links to view the songs my sister took videos of... sorry for the poor sound quality

City of Angels.

Hosanna.

La nina de tus ojos

Drum cirlcle

Your Love is Strong

Instead of a Show

You are on our Side