Waiting

People have been asking me alot if I'm getting excited about Argentina and depending on the moment I might say 'yes' or just tell them that I was the day before when I wasn't freaking out. This time of waiting is somewhat unbearable, especially with a still long list of things to check off my to-do list. I think a couple weeks ago I was ready to just forego all the preparations and this waiting process and jump on a plane.
This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions- it's been filled with a lot of changes and goodbyes. I left Cincinnati where I have been living since April to come back to Indiana to spend time with my family before leaving. I left sooner than planned in order to come back for a funeral of a dear family friend, my adopted grandma Barb. So in one weekend I helped my roommates move to their new house as much as I could, stuffed my car with my own things, said goodbye to newly made friends and my roommates, saw two friends get married, and said another goodbye to my dear friend and her husband who were heading off to Bolivia. I then met up with two other dear friends saying goodbye to them less than 24 hours after greeting them. In order to get to the said funeral on time I woke at 4 in the morning and drove six hours to northern Indiana. Yet another goodbye, to Barb. After hearing the news of her death I picked up a busy schedule, as you can see, so at her funeral I was finally able to mourn and at the same time rejoice that she has been ushered into the arms of Jesus.
I'm home in Indiana now and looking forward to spending some time with my family. Yet now knowing that there are still more goodbyes to come.
In the meantime I am frantically and ironically at the same time sluggishly trying to get things in order, with less than a week left to go. And to be honest I've hardly thought about packing. (My sister Nichole would be mentally packing as of a month ago!)
All this waiting has done two very different things, again depending on the moment. It has made me so excited about this upcoming adventure that I have been awaiting for 4, rather 8 months when I first had the desire to go overseas. And on the other hand this wait has made me anxious about the arrival of what has been still 4, 3, 2, 1 month(s) away.
A few days ago, in one of the latter anxious moments, I was telling God that I didn't want to go simply because I didn't want to exchange my comfort for... well, I guess, what will be uncomfortable. He didn't say anything in response to that. He let me sit in that thought because one, He knows, and He's known that all along... my whole life, in fact. He is good at stirring His children in the comfortable lapses in life. And, two, He's already made Himself very clear with this whole arrangement. He's prepared it. He's benn preparing me for it. He's been revealing bits and pieces of His plan for me these past few months. So I reminded myself of that and let myself sink into a moment of trust.
I'm just asking God to teach me and prepare me in this next week of waiting. Which I can confess hasn't been easy. The enemy counteracts my trust and peace in God with feelings of unrest and lethargy. But God is persistent. It may not be until I'm actually in Argentina when I see how God was working in these months, weeks, days leading up to my departure. Which is just typical with me. Just like it won't sink in that I'm going across the globe, to a different country, to Argentina until I'm standing on South American soil.
Waiting. I have to go through it. But the waiting pays off.